This week we dredge up a Pleistocene beast in the form of 2002's Sabretooth!
Listen as we find everything from philosophical commentary to blatant martial arts fakery in this magnificent wreck of a film.
Using fossilized DNA, a scientist clones a prehistoric saberetooth cat. As the fearsome creature is being transported, it breaks free and kills the driver, before beginning to stalk human prey. Taking its spree into the forested mountains in the Pacific Northwest, the beast kills a vacationing couple, before later continuing to stalk a group of trainee guides learning the area of seniors.
Catherine Viciy (Vanessa Angel), the scientist who created it, and her colleague Anthony Bricklin (John Rhys-Davies), call in Robert Thatcher (David Keith), a big game hunter and tracker, to find the animal, tricking him into believing it is an African lion, and will offer to pay him $50,000. They go into the mountains to find the cat and come across the cabin where the vacationers were killed. At this point, Thatcher states that "your kitty has an attitude problem." Catherine throws away Thatcher's satellite phone, knowing he had planned to notify the police and Animal Control. As they continue through the woods, the sabretooth kills Kara, a zoologist working for Catherine, and Thatcher declares he will kill the sabretooth no matter what.
The next day, Thatcher starts seeing signs of the trainees and sabretooth's tracks corresponding. One night, he hears a camper scream and leaves camp to investigate. He finds the camper's remains and later relates his fate to Casey, the leader of the group, who was searching for him. After they return to the group's camp, Trent, another senior guide, comes in screaming about the death of another trainee and about seeing a sabretooth, to much shock and disbelief. Instructing Casey and the others to a nearby mine to wait for him, Thatcher goes after it, but before he can kill it, Catherine shoots at it with a tranquilizer gun and misses, scaring it off. Thatcher is fired for trying to kill it instead of catching it, because of all the scientific progress the creature was going to bring, but the sabretooth reappears and slowly kills Anthony, allowing Thatcher and Catherine time to escape.
Though Catherine steals his revolver, Thatcher recovers his rifle and they head for the mine, where only Casey and Trent remain alive, and where the sabretooth has Trent trapped. Thatcher hands Catherine his rifle and tells her to shoot the sabretooth should it get past him, then he heads to an opening at the top of the mine. He and Casey hit the sabretooth with a tranquilizer and Trent escapes. After they are all outside, Thatcher sends them on and tries to kill the sabretooth, but finds that Catherine has unloaded his rifle. As he runs away, he falls and catches his foot in a bear trap. Casey and Trent find him and, after they make spears from saplings, they make it back to a lake where they find Catherine.
After striking Catherine down for nearly getting him killed, Thatcher prepares to go after the sabretooth once more, but Catherine draws his revolver on him, telling him that she does not want to see her creation destroyed. Before she can kill him, Trent kicks the gun out of her hand, but is shot. The revolver slides down the cliff and the sabretooth reappears. Catherine tries to warn the beast off, but is killed by her own creation. Thatcher tricks the sabretooth into jumping on his spear and throws it down a ledge, killing it. Later Thatcher, Casey, and Trent head back to the summer camp where Casey works.
Music from https://www.zapsplat.com